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Heavier-than-air
flying machines are impossible.
--Lord Kelvin, president,
Royal Society, 1895
Airplanes
While cruising at 40,000 feet,
the airplane shuddered and Mr. Benson looked out the window.
"Good lord!" he screamed,
"one of the engines just blew up!"
Other passengers left their
seats and came running over; suddenly the aircraft was rocked by a second
blast as yet another engine exploded on the other side.
The passengers were in a panic
now, and even the stewardesses couldn't maintain order. Just then, standing
tall and smiling confidently, the pilot strode from the cockpit and assured
everyone that there was nothing to worry about. His words and his demeanor
seemed made most of the passengers feel better, and they sat down as the
pilot calmly walked to the door of the aircraft. There, he grabbed several
packages from under the seats and began handing them to the flight attendants.
Each crew member attached a
package to their backs.
"Say," spoke up an
alert passenger, "aren't those parachutes?"
The pilot said they were.
The passenger went on, "But
I thought you said there was nothing to worry about?"
"There isn't," replied
the pilot as a third engine exploded. "We're going to get help."
From the 1/27/97 
Internet site:
Many of the little things a new student pilot learns are
often done by rote, without a great deal of understanding: Such as ensuring
anyone on the ground near the airplane was aware the prop was about to
spin.
One instructor was working with a pre-solo student. Instead
of using the phrase, "Clear prop!" before turning the key, the
instructor had simply taught his pupil to use the word "Clear!,"
presumably shouted loudly enough that those inside the FBO could hear.
One day, preflight complete, the student reached for the
key, looked outside the airplane, and shouted, "Cloudy!"
Learning How to Fly
WEEK 1
- Monday: Rain.
- Tuesday: Rain.
- Wednesday: No rain; no visibility either.
- Thursday: Take instructor to lunch. Discover I don't
know enough to take instructor to lunch.
- Friday: FLY! Do first stall and second stall during same
maneuver, cover instructor with lunch.
WEEK 2
- Monday: Learned not to scrape frost off plexiglass with
ice-scraper. Used big scratches marker to set pitch.
- Tuesday: Instructor wants me to stop calling throttle
"THAT BIG KNOB THING." Also hates when I call instruments "GADGETS".
- Wednesday: Radios won't pick up radio stations, so I
turn them off. Instructor seems to think I missed something.
- Thursday: Learned 10 degree bank is not a steep turn.
Did stall again today. Lost 2000 feet. Instructor said that was some kind
of record. -- My first compliment.
- Friday: Did steep turn. Instructor said I was not ready
for inverted flight yet.
WEEK 3
- Monday: Instructor called in sick. New instructor told
me to stop calling her "BABE". Did steep turns. She said I had
to have permission for inverted flight.
- Tuesday: Instructor back. He told me to stop calling
him "BABE", too. He got mad when I pulled power back on takeoff
because the engine was too loud.
- Wednesday: Instructor said after the first 20 hours,
most students have established a learning curve. He said there was a slight
bend in mine. A-ha--progress!
- Thursday: Did stalls. Clean recovery. Instructor said
I did good job. Also did turns around a point. Instructor warned me never
to pick ex-fiance's house as point again.
- Friday: Did pattern work. Instructor said that if downwind,
air base, and final approach formed a triangle, I would be perfect. More
praise!
WEEK 4
- Monday: First landing at a controlled field. Did fine
until I told the captain in the 747 ahead of us on taxiway to move his
bird. Instructor says we'll have ground school all this week on radio procedures.
- Tuesday: Asked instructor if everyone in his family had
turned gray at such an early age. He smiled. We did takeoff stalls. He
says I did just fine but to wait until we reach altitude next time. Three
Niner Juliet will be out of the shop in three days when the new strut and
tire arrive. Instructor says his back bothers him only a little.
- Wednesday: Flew through clouds. I thought those radio
towers were a lot lower. I'm sure my instructor is going grey.
- Thursday: Left flaps down for entire flight. Instructor
asked why. I told him I wanted the extra lift as a safety margin. More
ground school.
- Friday: Asked instructor when I could solo. I had never
seen anyone actually laugh until they cried before.
Thanks to: Hiflyer for this contribution
From the 1/12/98
Internet site:
SHORT FINAL
A student became lost during a solo cross-country
flight. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked,
"What was your last known position?"
"When I was number one for takeoff,"
replied the student.
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